My baby days-years

Being a mother makes you a complete woman. That's what I heard. But completing that stage actually takes some serious guts. 

My baby days began.

 I stopped dreaming about sleep. Late at night I worry like the usual mothers whether my lil one is awake, pooping, crying, playing, drooling and so on. Also if the blankie is over his nose or under his chin. If he's breathing right or if his breathing has turned shallow...these were some of my worries to begin with. And its all job of a mom. No one can actually help. I am on a constant run to make things right for my baby. To see if he is happy. To see if he would smile at me- only at me. Or maybe play all by himself (if he could). Sometimes at night if he does sleep, I silently cry a 'hurrah' and get on with the life I am left with. Yes, during pregnancy I never dreamt of a life with a baby. The aftermath is often scary. The before part is just a preview. No wonder all that vomitings and sleepy days were there to help you cope with the worst later. 

For the first few days I felt like a harassed woman. The third degree kind of sorts. My body hurt, I couldn't sit for a month without moaning inside (maybe I even cried inside), I was scare to make a trip to the loo, I felt jealous of the men around (their work was obviously to just make a baby!). Contacting my single friends and hearing about their lives only made my days a living horror. Where was that sweet days that the baby magazines promised?  On top of all that- people constantly asking me to eat this/eat that. Don't eat this/ don't eat that...God I wanted to just rewind the last nine months and say goodbye to motherhood. 

Then there are some days I worry why he poops so less or why he poops so much. Why his eyes water? why this? why that???????

I cannot say about the anatomy of a baby but they sure makes you run on your toes. 

After three months I can say that I have fallen completely in love with this lil boy. The first month, I can't say for sure if I even know what happened (Feels like an accident). 

Now when I hear people planning babies, I really don't understand why.

LOVE ME IN THE END @ BOOK STORES

For a first time writer, being their book displayed at the book store is almost being recognized for their work.

A fanatically devoted father, a headstrong daughter and a devious rake make their way into the world of an arranged marriage, which is a sham. It was going to be the perfect match according to the father, but Ria was impulsive and Arman hated being tied to a girl he had never seen before. Ria was determined to put up a fight to the end and Arman, guided by his instincts, did not offer any help but to desire her with his heart. 

Could Arman convince her that he was the one for Ria?

LOVE ME IN THE END at the book stores

High hopes!

The day begins with high hopes of writing something again and I am stuck with searching for titles. I stumbled upon this interesting link on just so many titles on love that I am just abashed and a little elated to know that titles starting with LOVE actually make sense (If its a romantic novel). A die hard fan of romance, my next romance is just going to be all about love and the real essence of togetherness.

"""As the author of the ''I Love You'' virus recently learned, anyone seeking a large readership should use the word love in a title"" - Jenny Lyn Bader.


Makes sense i guess.

Self Love

I am coming down to write my third novel, the second already gone for publishing now and will probably be out before the end of this this year. It is an exciting process to get your work acknowledged. Of course I find my share of critics but it is just another way how you deal with them. The important thing is that you write for the sake of writing and not for some kind of adoration. I satiate my hunger for self love by writing. It just a matter of maintaining that self love by ignoring people who say otherwise. If you listen to people talking about your work and being negative about it, you know that they are just telling you their views. And a good writer is always critisized.
No one is perfect. 
And I never ran behind perfection. Always craving for it. I have realized that being perfect is just another excuse for blaming people why they are not the way you want them to be.
My work is just another sample of how perfection is not achieved but procured. 
So love yourself and write what you love about. 

I haven't written for a while. And all kudos to me being pregnant and later being a mother. I never thought it would make a difference to my writing and really it hasn't until I gave birth to this beautiful baby named Vivaan. I am totally in love again and though my husband feels the same thing, a mother's feelings are way different. I want to care while hubby wants to play. I am really glad I am born a woman. No way men would understand this feeling. So I keep thinking about my lil baby day and night and so comes my very valid reason of not writing. I have been away from army life as well, so I couldn't update anyone about the latest politics in life. I have been keeping myself updated reading my friends and fellow writers...sometimes it just feels good to read and not write. The mind really clears steer from the usual and I have something going on in my mind for my next novel. Its almost done...I keep saying that to myself.

here is a lil preview of my sweetheart

Faces that would be missed

I love the movies, there is something magical about them that just seems right. With the right faces and the right storyline and songs that makes your heart throb- a combination that only seems possible in the old days when I was not even born but then great music and great actors is not based on a generation gap. In fact, sometimes I feel myself wanting to be in the era (I would certainly miss the internet) but then it did have a charm of its own. The music was pure and innocent, just like the love they portrayed on the silver screen. All thanks to the music directors and actors.

Last year where our beloved actors Dev Anand and Shammi Kapoor had passed away, I heard today when my favorite actor Joy Mukherjee, is no longer among us. But behind them, they have left some of the most excellent movies and songs that would make them ever green forever. Its hard to forget songs like Abhi na jao chodkar, Deewana hua badal and Bahut shukriya, badi meherbani.
 These faces just made romance on screen so alluring that you actually believe the happy endings with heros who will be with you forever and love you forever.

Dollar Bahu by Sudha Murthy - A BOOK REVIEW

Author: Sudha Murthy

My Take

 Dollar Bahu, with its simple plot and language promises to charm its readers despite the serious story line. Ms Murthy has originally written Dollar Bahu in kannada with the title Dollar Sose in the year 2001. The plot brings in the ever green 'saas' that gives a preference to the daughter-in-law who lives in the US and with sending them the dollars only becomes the favorite of hers. That poses problems for the other daughter-in-law who lives with her, helps her with the house work but still lacks because she does not have the dollar tag attached to her. Thus follows the battle of the dollar!
The mother-in-law, Gowri reminded me of several such greedy women that I have come across so its easy to empathize and sympathize with the situation. Of course in real life some people never learn their lesson but here Gowramma learns the importance of a good heart that comes before money. Of course being from India, it takes time for her to adjust to the values of the Americans. Her daughter-in-law living in the US is sharp and mean, not wanting to waste her money on her relatives living in India. She has no feelings for her husband's side of the family. So, she mechanically uses her mother-in-law to take care of her house and her new born baby. She always openly discusses how 'stupid' Gowramma was. That is when the mother-in-law realizes how foolish she had been in her treatment of her other submissive and hard working daughter-in-law in India.
Dollar Bahu resembles a good ol' soap opera but with taste and with a simplicity that is bound to make you read a few more of Ms Murthy's books.

Rating: 4.5/5

U KNOW U R IN LOVE WID A SOLDIER WHEN.....♥♥

~You don't mind a phone call waking you up at 4 a.m.



~You tell people that ask that he's 'only' been gone a month.



~The smallest contact (short sms) from your man makes your entire week!


~You cry over an msg that says nothing more than hi and I miss U


~Those recruitment commercials on TV make you cry because you are so proud!



~You get super excited just knowing that your Soldier tried to call but wasn't able to get through.



~Your first Military Ball you go to as your Soldier's girlfriend, your name tag says"Mrs".



Is that a self fulfilling prophecy or what?!?



~A 30 second phone call after no calls from him for 2.5 months leaves you full of joy and happiness, and "No 


news is good news" becomes your motto.


~The motto "no shore too distant" becomes your life.



~You feel yourself growning more and more in love with your man even while he's so far away.



~You hold off on seeing certain moviEs so u can see them with your Soldier when he comes home.



~You want to roll your eyes when you hear someone say,"I havent seen my boyfriend in a week!"



~You can go from being happy,to sad, to lonely, to angry, to proud, and back to happy in amatter of less 


than an hour, and you sleep with the phone right next to you, just in case.


~If he's deployed you don't care how your hair looks nor care about wearing make-up, and thepeople at your 


work ask about your boyfriend every day to see if you've heard from him.


~The sight of any other man in a uniform makes you miss your boyfriend MORE than it makes you drool, and 


you try to explain to civilians what your boyfriend does for a living, they give you a blank look because they 


don't understand a third of what you just said......!!!!


Miss you my soldier :(

source: Internet

God and his mike

I have got the taste of both- the north and the south. My relationship with God has been different though. And its all thanks to the mike that the supposed devotees use whenever they want to talk to Him. 

North- They have 'Jagratas' usually starting just when we have just slipped into the bed, done with our daily soaps and also done with the day conversations. The dream fairy had just sprinkled sleep dust on us when comes that blaring sound of dhols and a man on mike, his mission to make God his business for the night. 

South- I know there is no fixed time to remember Him but in the morning, really? Just when I am done with having head banged with dhols, I get the bells of a temple near by getting louder by each second and my sleep is done by the day too.

I don't know why I am so sensitive to sounds when some don't notice them too much. But I don't understand devotees relationship with God and the mike. If He has the loud speakers attached to his seat, I don't know how he gets his sleep.   

The retirement plan

I am probably going to be an army wife for a very (very) long time now and no hard feelings about it. Its like adjusting in a family and making your own decisions- making a home out of a shattered house. We keep moving and shifting things from one place to another. Maybe that's why we can become good interior decorators, Vaastu Shaatra experts, event managers and hosts. Also the jobs that any 'sakku bai' can do can becomes our forte too. Why do I feel like I am repeating my options of job hunting for my future life? And I am worrying about the future unnecessarily. There is a reason for it. The place where I grew up was where all the army officers settled after retiring and it worries me. One in particular worried me so much that I am still sweating.

My neighbour (a former colonel's wife) is now retired from her glam army life and making a life on her own with her son away for months being in Merchant Navy. She's lost her husband in harness during his service and got the flat that they had applied, an army widow getting the privilege and priority. Army has a habit to fuss over the ladies and it becomes like a bad habit later on since husband's manage to give very little time to their better halves. And this becomes like another bad habit. Life looks normal with the husband out 24/7. So she looks like the type who must have dedicated her life around her son. She also looks like a schizophrenic, preferring her own company than others. I see her peeping through her door before getting out. The innumerable number of plants around the balcony that have over grown because of excessive manure, the dark rooms where she lurks around in front of her TV, her four O' clock routines in the morning and her constant bickering about the people around. The garage is filled with the empty trunks that makes no sense in her life since she would never move now but she is reluctant to let them go because it had been a vital part of her prime years. So there is no one to address you as 'Mrs...' and no children to wish you 'goodmorning aunty' on your way, does that mean you become unsocial and unfriendly? From the world outside I see her wallowing away in her old memories. Is civil life so difficult to follow?

Is that how all lonely widows live? or perhaps is this the new trend of how to just pass life of being a woman on her own? Which is all fine. But making others life miserable too because you just cannot see anyone happy or being normal. It's a sad state of affairs. And most of the times when you see such examples of army wives I get determined not to while away my time being just that. 

I can still see myself down the years becoming a better person than I am today and making choices that will make me happy first than my family. 

SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW- A Book Review

Synopsis: Second Lieutenants Deepa Shekhar and Anjali Sharma have an important task at hand: convince their male counterparts that they too are assets to the Indian Army – rather than merely those with assets.

My Take:

https://webookreviews.wordpress.com/2015/10/06/on-book-review-shes-a-jolly-good-fellow-by-sajita-nair/

Rating: 4/5

The New Year's IN...

This year has just come and by and I haven't celebrated it the way I used it. There were no drinks and no DJ, just the ol' lil me with my husband and parents. Sometimes the best way to welcome the New Year is sometimes forgetting that you are leaving behind the old. And its great to get rid of the old. Especially when you have an intense dislike to somethings and you are just tired of pretending otherwise. The new always does not began with a bang because then I never expect things to go my way but I sure want to try to make it go my way. I have certainly become a little recluse, liking my own company to the loudness of the crowd. Maybe it's just a stage when you get used to a way of life and when suddenly things begins to change in your life, you just want to be left alone without wanting to be judged. It could be for a while or could be forever but being in the organization that I am its difficult to be by myself for long. Anyhow I am trying to sort my thoughts- some good and some not so very good. Life is beginning to take new turns and I am still clueless as to how to hold on to them and not make a mistake. I have also begun to distrust people. It could be because of those bad people I have met in my life but they are gone now and I am going to have to believe in others again. It would take some time. Almost like I am coming out of a comma and I never want to get out of a room.