Why are we so reluctant to talk about Depression? Its because I suffer frequently from this too. I have not really talked about it to anyone except my husband. I tell him at times that I don't ever want to wake up or that i often think about suicide- I know. I seem to have a perfect life. I have a loving family, enough money, a beautiful baby then why should I feel as if my world is shattering in front of me? Sometimes you really do not need answers to such questions. I kind of blame it on my post pregnancy blues because I still suffer from it. And the responsibilities seem to never end at times.
And that was why I started blogging a long time ago to keep my mind busy with things other than just my family. Taking care of a toddler can be tiring and you need to understand that I live alone without help. I do not believe in having a nanny and that could have been my greatest flaw. I never ever took help. And so now I am highly strung and try to be a perfectionist when it comes to things because I feel as if I can be the only one who can do justice to the job. And being in a marriage when you are husband is busy can also take a toll on you. Yes, I do not want to wash my dirty linen in public but it gets lonely at times. And a woman needs people around her to tell her that she is loved. But ten years in a relationship and routine changes the way it had been. And that's why I talk about my feelings to my partner. Knowing that he would understand and give me the time to recoup because yes, depression makes you feel sick and helpless. At times I just want to sleep away and never face the world. Meeting people becomes a chore because then I would have to laugh and talk when my heart's says otherwise. Yes, I am coming to terms with it now. I know that there will be times that will make me feel as if I don't belong in this world. My artistic streak is sensitive and i get hurt pretty soon. Tears come and go without prior notice. I always think about meeting up with a psychologist but that only makes me feel ashamed. It is important for me to talk about it though. And I write a journal that has nothing to do with writing a blog that's open to a public.
Writing about it has made me feel better. I know most of you will be shocked but then that's the truth of life.
And that was why I started blogging a long time ago to keep my mind busy with things other than just my family. Taking care of a toddler can be tiring and you need to understand that I live alone without help. I do not believe in having a nanny and that could have been my greatest flaw. I never ever took help. And so now I am highly strung and try to be a perfectionist when it comes to things because I feel as if I can be the only one who can do justice to the job. And being in a marriage when you are husband is busy can also take a toll on you. Yes, I do not want to wash my dirty linen in public but it gets lonely at times. And a woman needs people around her to tell her that she is loved. But ten years in a relationship and routine changes the way it had been. And that's why I talk about my feelings to my partner. Knowing that he would understand and give me the time to recoup because yes, depression makes you feel sick and helpless. At times I just want to sleep away and never face the world. Meeting people becomes a chore because then I would have to laugh and talk when my heart's says otherwise. Yes, I am coming to terms with it now. I know that there will be times that will make me feel as if I don't belong in this world. My artistic streak is sensitive and i get hurt pretty soon. Tears come and go without prior notice. I always think about meeting up with a psychologist but that only makes me feel ashamed. It is important for me to talk about it though. And I write a journal that has nothing to do with writing a blog that's open to a public.
Writing about it has made me feel better. I know most of you will be shocked but then that's the truth of life.
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