Thursday, March 26, 2015

Deepika Padukone, You are my Hero! Here is Why...

Why are we so reluctant to talk about Depression? Its because I suffer frequently from this too. I have not really talked about it to anyone except my husband. I tell him at times that I don't ever want to wake up or that i often think about suicide- I know. I seem to have a perfect life. I have a loving family, enough money, a beautiful baby then why should I feel as if my world is shattering in front of me? Sometimes you really do not need answers to such questions. I kind of blame it on my post pregnancy blues because I still suffer from it. And the responsibilities seem to never end at times.

And that was why I started blogging a long time ago to keep my mind busy with things other than just my family. Taking care of a toddler can be tiring and you need to understand that I live alone without help. I do not believe in having a nanny and that could have been my greatest flaw. I never ever took help. And so now I am highly strung and try to be a perfectionist when it comes to things because I feel as if I can be the only one who can do justice to the job. And being in a marriage when you are husband is busy can also take a toll on you. Yes, I do not want to wash my dirty linen in public but it gets lonely at times. And a woman needs people around her to tell her that she is loved. But ten years in a relationship and routine changes the way it had been. And that's why I talk about my feelings to my partner. Knowing that he would understand and give me the time to recoup because yes, depression makes you feel sick and helpless. At times I just want to sleep away and never face the world. Meeting people becomes a chore because then I would have to laugh and talk when my heart's says otherwise. Yes, I am coming to terms with it now. I know that there will be times that will make me feel as if I don't belong in this world. My artistic streak is sensitive and i get hurt pretty soon. Tears come and go without prior notice. I always think about meeting up with a psychologist but that only makes me feel ashamed. It is important for me to talk about it though. And I write a journal that has nothing to do with writing a blog that's open to a public.  

Writing about it has made me feel better. I know most of you will be shocked but then that's the truth of life. 

1 comment:

  1. Hello Sonia. Kudos to you for being so unabashedly bold about a topic that's considered taboo in our society. Please don't ever feel that you are alone. I am always a call away if you ever feel the need to share. I have gone through a rough phase myself when I was looking for a permanent job as an assistant professor. Back then I would have the blackest of moods. Now that I have successfully accomplished my aim and have the tag of being an assistant professor I feel really awesome within. May be all you need is to have a goal, a job, a career. Follow your heart and try to find your calling. Most of my friends who got married young are having the same issues. They feel really unproductive sitting at home all day. One of them has recently joined an mnc and she feels a lot better now. Having a career does make a difference. You get stability, income and most importantly you feel like you are doing somerhing of value. Do give it a thought. And keep smiling. Love Shivangi Ramsay.


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